Behind The Page:

An Interview with Sue D. Nim . . .

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Our guest this time, just back from hang-gliding excursion off the coast of Antarctica, is Sue D. Nim, author of
"See Span Run."

Published every Monday, Sue's column offers comment on current headlines in a unique style of her own. A presence on the web for about four months, the site receives over 1,000 hits a month.

We were lucky enough obtain the services of an out-of-work court sketch artist to provide a rendering of Sue for this interview.

Comedy Zone: Sue, nice of you to join us. Do you mind me calling you Sue?

Sue Nim: Actually, I prefer being called "Sue D. Nim," all as one name, like "Madonna" or "Prince" (back when he HAD a name) or like any number of one-word diseases.

CZ: Ha! I understand that there is a bit of a story behind your name?

SN: Well, there is a lot of inspiration for that name, drawing from a number of sources. First of all, like many kids in the 70's I was a rabid fan of the rock group Kiss... In fact, I still own my Ace Freely bath slippers, as well as the Gene Simmons squirt gun which, when you squeeze the trigger, shoots out a long, slimy tongue... Anyhow, I always loved the mystery surrounding Kiss's true identity... What did they really look like behind the makeup? So there was the Kiss influence... Then, more recently, there was that book "Primary Colors" by "Anonymous," who of course turned out to be Newsweek columnist Joe Klein, whose home phone number and address I have if anybody wants it... Anyhow, I thought that was a wonderful idea... And of course there are those damn credit collection agencies, but that's another story...

CZ: You're a freelance writer in the "real world." Is "See Span Run" an extension of your work?

SN: I try to incorporate humor into anything I write, whether it's a speech or a video or multi-media script, or whatever...I've also written a few screenplays, including one that is being shopped around as we speak. It's called "Spelunkers!" and it's a cross between "The Naked Gun" and a National Geographic documentary. As for "See Span Run," like many things out there in cyberspace, It is an opportunity to let down my hair, if you will. There are no space considerations, where you have to bump a profound thought to make room for a Jiffy Lube ad... You don't have to kiss anybody's ass in hope that something won't get edited out of a script... It really is like creative paradise in that sense. Plus, this sort of acidic humor-for-public consumption is nothing new for me, since I spent a few years doing this kind of thing on stage as well.

CZ: You were on the stage? Anything we might recognize?

SN: Well, if a tree falls and no one is there to hear it... actually, I headed up a Saturday Night Live-style comedy troupe that performed in the Southeast for a few years... I also did some improv and on-camera stuff... With the troupe I thought I had found my one true and ever-lasting love... And then, it all fell apart... Our theater was razed by a group of crazed construction workers -- WHILE the troupe was performing! I was the only one to escape alive. Now I am plagued with survivor's guilt. Can't you tell?

CZ: Quite evident! ... So how did you get involved in producing a web page?

SN: Well, after being so rudely bounced from the stage, I think I had reached a point where I was looking for some kind of audience again, even an anonymous one like what you find on the internet. Of course, getting immediate feedback from a live audience is the ultimate intoxication -- which is why the four surviving Comets are still playing "Rock Around the Clock" every Saturday night at the Rochester Holiday Inn. But the Internet is remarkable in that, using the "surfing" analogy, at any time a wave can bring in somebody from out at sea for a visit and hopefully a laugh, and then they're off again. That is great. I also like how the internet gives literally ANYBODY a forum, although that isn't always a positive thing either. For me, I was looking for an outlet to vent some of my apolitical hostilities, and so it seemed like the thing to do.

CZ: Why the hostilities?

SN: Oh, because of all the phoniness in politics and in pop culture. What we all need is a good healthy dose of the truth, you know? Even if it is presented in an absurd way (like mine). At least my hostilities are channeled through satire and sarcasm, while others channel their hostilities through organized protests or through the construction of home-made bombs... Actually, despite all this, I truly believe that life as a whole does not suck, but that we have a responsibility to keep the phonies in perspective.

CZ: Your column takes a cynical "anti-social" look at current events. What kind of feedback do you get from your readership?

SN: I encourage people to send emails, not so much for getting their opinions on the columns (though I love that as well), but for establishing some kind of off-beat dialogue. So I encourage them to send e-mail, even if it's just a fleeting thought, because it really does result in some interesting ideas. Generally, the feedback has been pretty positive. I really try to have my home page be something that can be visited and absorbed within five minutes, for the most part. Then the surfers can go on to something else. The internet is short attention span theater, isn't it? Occasionally, I'll go "big" (like with the Convention speeches or the debates). I'm about to go big for the holidays as we speak.

CZ: So I take it you personally feel "See Span Run" has been successful?

SN: In a relative sense, yes. It is serving its basic purpose, though I may expand its purpose down the road. But how can you really gauge the success of a web page? By sales? Well, I'm not selling anything. By how many people laugh? Well, I know something about how many times the site has been visited, but I have no idea what percentage of those visitors are actually laughing at my jokes. For all I know, other than the e-mail I get, they could be saying, "Hmmm... another dweeb with a Home Page!"

CZ: Have you received any feedback from some of the personalities mentioned in your columns?

SN: I had Craig Livingstone try to get at my personal data file once, but that was about it. I'm not sure they'd be real happy.

CZ: Your column frequently covers political happenings. Do you favor a political party?

SN: A ha! This from the guy who gets "right wing" vibes from my writing! Actually, I'm a total political independent. Since the Democrats currently own the presidency, it might appear that I'm zeroing in on Clinton, but he's just the guy sitting in the dunking booth at the circus and I'm just the guy with the baseball, winding up to fire at the target. I will admit that I was raised by a family of Republicans (just like Danny DeVito was raised by a family of penguins in Batman II), so I do admit to being sympathetic to certain things (media bias towards Democrats being number one). But I really don't identify much with either party. You know, I almost registered as a Libertarian last year. I read over their platform and agreed with a lot of what they said about personal responsibility and freedom, etc. I just couldn't quite get past that one plank that said the federal government should subsidize space missions from the Planet Xanadu.

CZ: I pretty much felt the same way. Being in the Washington D.C. area, do you have inside sources for your column?

SN: I usually speak with Eleanor Roosevelt once a week and she tells me what to write.

CZ: Interesting ... So you and Hillary share at least one thing in common?

SN: We actually share a great many things. She never seems to be satisfied with the hair on her head, while I never seem to be satisfied with the hair on my legs... She went to Wellesley, and I went to the well once too often... She says it takes a village, I say it takes the Village People... So there is definitely a bond there...

CZ: Seriously though, I take it you write the column solo?

SN: Pretty much. I get some help with the sound bites from a friend who does voice-overs professionally. If anyone out there needs a good voice, he's the one!

CZ: "Span the dog" is featured on your page, christening the White House lawn. Is there a story behind "Span?"

SN: Span is my dog, a classic mutt who played a major role in inspiring the idea behind "See Span Run." You see, I'm a TV junkie and Span tends to sit on the floor right in front of the TV with me, sleeping. He's an older dog, so he sleeps a lot. But every time Bill Clinton or Newt Gingrich or somebody like that comes on the screen, Span goes into a rage. He leaps up and starts barking at the screen, and I have to put him in the other room until those guys are gone. Dogs really do know trouble when they see it. Either that or maybe he just hears me cussing them all out.

CZ: Does he have a "Socks" chew toy?

SN: I've been looking all over for that to put in his Christmas stocking, but to no avail. It probably wouldn't be such a good idea anyhow. Span is allergic to cats.

CZ: I understand you also do some part-time gardening at the ellipse in Washington, D.C.. Have you had a chance to catch a glimpse of the President on one of his jogging sessions?

SN: Well, let's just put it this way. When you see all those photos of the president jogging, he's not really sweating.

CZ: I knew those were staged photo ops! Are there any plans to expand "See Span Run?" Maybe an e-mail newsletter?

SN: There are some ideas floating around right now, but nothing definite. I'm thinking of perhaps a little book, fleshing out some of the columns a little bit, perhaps with a more visible role for me and Span. But I don't know. I'm really drawn to the multi-media aspect to all this, although I don't have consistent access to scanning equipment so I can't use as many graphics as I might like... I'm in the process of adding some sound to the equation, but I understand that not everyone is capable of listening in. I hope you're rigged up, Bill!

CZ: Any favorite web sites you frequent that you'd like to share?

SN: Besides The Comedy Zone??? Well, The Daily Muse is certainly impressive... as is American Newspeak and The Poetical Activist... There are a lot of others out there I'm intrigued by as well... One of my New Year's goals is to branch out and discover more humor sites that are out there. Unfortunately, I don't have much time to surf. But I would also recommend visiting Comedy Central's site, in particular their "Home Pages We'd Like To See." Those are gr-r-r-r-reat!!!

CZ: Thanks again for visiting Sue. Any final words before we close?

SN: I normally close all conversations with a few lines from Nixon's "Checkers" speech, but I'm concerned that my office is being bugged right now, so I'd better pass. Salud!